I was that typical child who was amused by the magic of science in cartoons. From knowing nothing about the science behind Powerpuff Girls’ birth or what teleportation in Dragon Tales or the scope for an alternative universe in Power Rangers, my curiosity for science kept growing into me. Gradually being the flag-bearer of scientific inventions and discoveries seemed intriguing to me. Like any Indian teen, I have had my fair share of rethinking. I remember having a phase of becoming an engineer, doctor, civil servant, genetic engineer, and whatnot. But for once, I thought of taking up something I felt interesting. I chose Psychology over Mathematics for my higher secondary education (Junior and Senior year equivalent in India).
Learning research (?)
I was fortunate and privileged to pursue the BSc Psychology Honours program from CHRIST (Deemed to be University), Bannerghatta Road Campus, Bengaluru, one of the most critically acclaimed undergraduate programs in Psychology offered in India. As much as the coursework promoted research endeavors, I interacted with a couple of seniors who were proactive about conducting and publishing research studies. My inspiration towards their work led me to recognize my passion for the same by the end of my second year of college. I even formed allies with those like-minded peers who could contribute to building a reciprocating environment which led to all of us helping and learning with each other. I collaborated with my dearest friends Ashley Grace Jojy and Rohit Jaiswal, who have been the best people to work with. We have already completed two research works under review for publication. I began challenging myself in every research project in one or two aspects. That collectively helped me gather new skills and helped me step up my league in statistical analysis using SPSS software. I made the most use of the MOOC option my university offered during the pandemic to learn and gain certifications in topics/software I was interested in learning.
Taking the unconventional turn.
I signed up for a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology at a prestigious university in the country because my passion for research seemed unrealistic and unattainable to me as I was mentally in a really dark space. It was more like giving up and settling for something that could never completely give what I always wanted. Despite having a beautiful bunch of humans as classmates and even making the best like-minded ones of those as my closest friends circle, somewhere I reached my breaking point. I contemplated it really a lot and thought of all the best and worst of possibilities; of course, the latter weighed more. But, I did not want to stop fighting for myself. I wanted to be myself and be unique the way I wanted to. The fourth week into the classes, I started talking to my parents about dropping out. Like every single time, I prepared myself to answer their “what else” -s and “what next” -s. That’s how I always got what I wanted. My parents always wanted me to think enough before taking a decision and they would ask me questions to know if I have actually. I won it again. But it was not easy for me to convince my maternal grandmother who looks after my education and its related expenditures. For someone in her mid-60s, what I have had for them was not that easy. Surprisingly, she lent me her ear. I told her about the benefits that this could bring me. She did not have anything much to say/ask; maybe because I had all that she wanted to hear in my speech in itself. But she added “Ok. But make sure you look after your mom and dad no matter what” with her tear-filled eyes. That was a breakthrough moment for me. I never thought that this conversation could go that easy and short. I realized if I could convince her and if she believes in my ability and decision, I can definitely pursue what I wanted. Maybe it’s the close match between my and her core subjects (psychology and philosophy respectively) that made us a very respectful and sincerely understanding grand mom-grandson duo. That conversation with her gave me the strength to click that button “Click here to cancel your admission”. I sighed with total satisfaction.
Joining something new
Soon I got my admission canceled, I saw a LinkedIn job alert for the same position that I was intending to apply for. It felt like perfect timing and I applied. Once I joined the google meet for the interview, I realized that I am appearing for something I honestly wanted to learn about. Obviously, that hit differently. Although my anxious brain told me a hundred ways how it could mess up and I might end up staying home doing nothing, I successfully got the Research Intern position at Axxonet Brain Research Laboratory, Bengaluru, India. This time when I flew from Thiruvananthapuram to Bengaluru, it was totally different. I was totally different too. Not the same me who left Bengaluru the last time. But I was honestly looking forward to how things would turn out at my first ever formal work position. I met Nikita Ghodke followed by Arjun B Hargan who accepted me and inducted me into the workplace. I felt at home. I found hope in getting a better persona and stepping up my learning game. I gradually started feeling better and began my independent research project using EEG (electroencephalograph) and ERP (event-related potentials). A month later, I met Varsha Vijayan and she gradually became a strong support system for my survival at Axxonet.
The Companions and Rejections
Nikita and I, share almost the same research interests. We both are into developmental neuroscience/psychology and wanted to pursue Ph.D. abroad. It was halfway through our interactions, we both realized we wanted to pursue research assistant (RA) positions remotely. Around the same time, we actively started making applications and even cold-emailing academicians and Ph.D./Post-doc researchers at different universities in the United States. Both of us had faced many rejections from them because either they do not want to take remote research assistants or they do not have openings anytime soon. Nikita made it to Stanford University and then to Harvard University. I rejoiced her win on all social media platforms where she revealed it: Twitter, LinkedIn, and even Instagram. But I have been unfortunate that the Ph.D. student at Harvard University who I was admiring for years could not offer me the role as he did not have space for one. I was disheartened. Nikita, Arjun, and Varsha had witnessed me being like a total emo-boy who got rejected by his crush. I was sad for weeks and I ended up talking about giving up again. I got an interview call for another developmental neuroscience lab and it went all well. But a month later, it turned out that they want to all offline and need no remote RAs. Apart from all that, ghosting is a big yes in the series of cold-emailing. People don’t have time or sometimes emails do not reach them because of the university’s stringent security settings. It has been really hard throughout.
I signed up for Project SHORT program and I received an amazing mentor who helped me better frame my CV and cover letter. But things kept on going under the rail and my self-esteem was hitting the rock bottom week by week. But I did force myself to apply to at least one lab per week and it led me to a very unexpected call for an interview with Kate Petrova of Stanford University’s Psychophysiology Lab. I did not keep any hopes this time. But things turned out pretty well and I got accepted into it. I was really happy and most importantly people who loved and cared for me danced with joy: my family, friends and all the well-wishers. I even appeared for an interview for a research master’s program at University College London in collaboration with Yale University and I am waiting for the results. So here I am, in the journey of research.
PS: I will be soon sharing my tips and suggestions for people like me who have had similar experiences with RA applications and even I am ready to talk to people online to discuss the same, BUT given that you have done your part of browsing and have clarity about what you what and what you do not.
Update as of 7th of September, 2022.
I received an offer to the MRes Developmental Neuroscience and Psychopathology program of UCL and Yale University. But considering the finances, I had to turn down the offer, until I make it to a better funding opportunity.
Thank you!
